200 Years Away (Clue Version)
by Daryl Wor
Summary: A series of vignette tales viewing where "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows" intends to lead. Includes Wadsworth's perspective as well as many others and eventually a wise uncovering of darker elements to his past and how he understand the Collins family and his employer as well as he does. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1: 200 Years Away

This is an old sea-shanty that got stuck in my head during my 11th episode of "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows". It's based on the song "200 Miles Away." My spouse loved it, but when I saw the dark ending that episode had, I removed it as the ending credits song, to his dismay. :(

As with many songs of olde, they tend get re-worked like this, and often did in those days as well, so the alteration of Mag and Lag (as opposed to Meg and Leg) rhyme fits, especially with the way of old sea-dogs and their habit of muddling words to fit a rhyme. **Or** "Lag" could be seen as "Lagging", i.e. a large gap of years wherein a problem didn't get resolved. Similar metaphor with "sea", as perhaps a "sea of time".

_200 Years Away_

_Ho! for a brave and gallant ship_  
_An' a fast and fav'rin breeze_  
_With a bully crew an a CAPTAIN too_  
_To carry me over the seas;_  
_To carry me over the seas, me boys,_  
_To me true love far away,_  
_I'm takin' a trip on a spiritual ship_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_Then blow ye winds hi-ho!_  
_An' a rovin' I will go._  
_I'll pretend no more about England's shore_  
_to hear the music play._  
_I'm off for the State of Maine,_  
_and I won't be back again._  
_For I'm on the move to me own true love,_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_My true-love she is beautiful, _  
_my true-love she is young,_  
_But she'd taken a trip on a spiritual ship_  
_Out to Penobscot Bay_  
_Out to Penobscot Bay, me boys,_  
_And though she's far away._  
_I'll never forget me own true love_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_Then blow ye winds hi-ho!_  
_An' a rovin' I will go._  
_I'll pretend no more about England's shore_  
_to hear the music play._  
_I'm off to the State of Maine,_  
_and I won't be back again._  
_For I'm on the move to me own true love,_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_It was was a misty evening,_  
_When last I had seen me Mag,_  
_She'd a spiritual band around each hand_  
_and another one around her lag;_  
_and another one around her lag, m'boys_  
_as she jumped into the bay_  
_"Adieu" she said, "Remember me"_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_Then blow ye winds hi-ho!_  
_An' a rovin' I will go._  
_I'll pretend no more about England's shore_  
_to hear the music play._  
_I'm off for the State of Maine,_  
_and I won't be back again._  
_For I'm on the move to me own true love,_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_I wish I was a boatswain bold_  
_Or a seaman without fear._  
_I'd man a boat and away I'd float,_  
_An' strait to me true love steer;_  
_An' strait to me true love steer, m'boys,_  
_Where the whales and dolphins play._  
_Where the whales and sharks are having their larks_  
_Two-hundred years away._

_Then blow ye winds hi-ho!_  
_An' a rovin' I will go._  
_I'll pretend no more about England's shore_  
_to hear the music play._  
_I'm off for the State of Maine,_  
_and I won't be back again._  
_For I'm on the move to me own true love,_  
_Two-hundred years away._

Feel free to review, I know it's a short piece. (And for anyone who liked "Pit", please click the author's name to check out the profile there. I discovered that in the profile, website links ARE allowed. There is currently a podcast version of that story on Archive & The Audio Fan Fiction Library. It'll respond a little odd, but if you have google chrome it will open another tab... Learn somethin' new everyday, I guess!)


	2. Chapter 2: Other Reactions

_I believe this fun chapter from my vignettes of an already married Barnabas is clean enough to share with the T rated audience. It's written from Wadsworth's perspective in relation with "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows", and deals with the awkwardness of overhearing a very happy couple. _

_I'm not too worried about giving away plans with that story as I've often reflected a good story still remains interesting even if one knows the outcome._

_However! That being said, I have *one* exception: "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. If one doesn't know how all *that* story comes about, please don't tell them! It really is a magnificent story that can truly be spoiled if too much is given away._

_Until then, I'll just have to keep wondering what my readers reactions are to all of these chapters can be. It's all rather ominous not knowing and always wondering. :S_

.*.*.*.*.*.*

Chapter _: Other Reactions

As you likely know, considering the long wait my employer, Barnabas Collins, has had in winning the heart of our mademoiselle, there has been much… erm… vigorous activity at The Old House. When Mr. Loomis and I first heard the racket we were certain it was more belated relatives come to haunt the premises. Then we heard what we were sure were voices we already knew… in ways we hadn't quite heard them before.

We listened at the stairs and then had some blemishing to do ourselves. I stepped to the door, intending to explore the old shed Ben Stokes of long ago had left in apt condition.

"Mr. Loomis," I said, "do you recall how to play Backgammon?"

He quickly followed me with the embarrassed but eager words, "I dunno and I don't care. Just show me how, an' I'll get the jist of it soon enough."

So, one can imagine that he's become quite proficient at the game of Backgammon what with all of the new ruckus going on lately.

One evening, the good doctor stepped toward us as we had just exited the front doors.

"Where are you two off to?" She asked, not so interrogatory as in previous years, though seeing our faces, she did have a more stolid curiousity than usual.

"Well, Doctor Hoffman," Mr. Loomis stammered, "we've been takin' to playin' a lot of Backgammon in the old shed lately and were just going off there again. Want to, um… well, join us?"

"No, thank you, " she answered, "I wanted to see—"

"Oh, well," I interrupted, blocking the door. She interposed that familiar look of suspicion I'd gotten so used to in earlier days, "I don't think now is the best time."

"Oh?" she asked, lengthening the word, "what are you two hiding from me?"

"Heh! Nothing," said Mr. Loomis, "it's more like what we're hiding out from!"

"Well," she asked, "there is something that's unnerved you two and I aim to…"

That was when a sharp cry came from an upstairs window.

"What in heavens was THAT?" she demanded.

"Well… ya… ya see, Doctor Hoffman," answered Mr. Loomis, "they're kind of busy."

"What? Have those two got some poor victim up there or something? Who are they after?"

"Each other," I said, at last.

"Oh… oh? Oh!" said our doctor, "oh, good lord… AGAIN?"

"Yep!" nodded Mr. Loomis.

Doctor Hoffman sighed in exasperation, "I know it's been a long time for him but this is _ridiculous!_ When are they going to leave each other alone?"

"Heh," laughed Mr. Loomis, "maybe we should purchase some cows so they can come home."

Doctor Hoffman scoffed, "Sheesh! And I thought the Professor was repressed the way he's been pawing ME! Not that I mind… wait… forget I said that."

"We WILL," I answered, "besides, Mr. Collins isn't the one who's always making the advances."

"You mean… it's HER? Is she trying to _wreck_ the old man or what? I must say I'm thankful that I'm NOT a gynecologist!"

"A what?" Mr. Loomis inquired, not hearing.

"It doesn't matter," Doctor Hoffman exhaled, "Still, why always at night? If they're worried about getting sunburned in their immortal condition or something why not do this kind of thing during the day?"

"The cellar isn't exactly the most romantic place in the world… especially for her." I answered.

"Tell me about it!" Mr. Loomis echoed the sentiment.

"Well, can't they get lead curtains or something?" she suggested, impatiently.

"Oh, yes, Madam," I said, "I've already ordered those."

"Good! I hope David hasn't been over to hear any of that noise." She stated.

"Well," Mr. Loomis chuckled, "he just thought they was jumping around on the furniture and I have to tell ya, I wasn't about to correct the fella."

"Trust you for that, Willie!" said the doctor, "I just don't understand where she's gets such an appetite for all of it."

"Perhaps because she's young?" I suggested.

"P'sh!" she responded, "or it's her previous life as a man getting mixed up with her feminine desire and taking a sky rocket through exploration."

"Are you going to prescribe a sedative?" I asked, which was likely more sarcastic than I meant to say it.

"Hardly," she answered, annoyed, "they have GOT to run out of steam on this insanity."

"Why?" I asked, "don't you find it healthy?" I inquired.

"Healthy once in a while, heck even twice a day in some cases, but it's as if every time I come over to see either of them… they're always up there going _at_ it!"

"Wanna leave a note?" Mr. Loomis giggled.

"What? Another one?" she asked, "No. _And_ I doubt I could send a letter. I don't believe the postman comes by anymore after hearing that racket."

We stood around in the semi-silence, trying to pretend we heard nothing, even at that distance.

"So, how about it, Doctor Hoffman?" Mr. Loomis asked, "want to join in for a game of Backgammon?"

She sighed heavily and then straitened up, "You know? How about we go into town and I buy you gentlemen a beer or two. Then you can buy me something in kind. Sound like a plan?"

"Most agreeable, Madam."

"Sure, I'm game," said Mr. Loomis.

.*.*.*.*.*.*

_As you might see with this chapter, the added butler from "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows" is still employed here. That story in revision is up. What with the podcast downloads on Archive starting to slowly climb, the text version may not be desired, but one never knows._

_The trouble with "Pit of..." is that with all the humour it's been a struggle to know if anyone is laughing and if so at what? Think of your favourite stand-up comedian on stage cracking jokes you love, but getting no facial or audible reaction from his/her audience. Just seats filled with blank expressions. They really would give up. :(_

_Anyway, please review this one! Peace &... obviously for this story... Love. :)_


	3. Chapter 3: Why Wadworth Understands

_An evening in which Wadsworth confesses to certain dark troubles he encountered before coming to work for Barnabas Collins, explaining why he understands his relationships with both Angelique Bouchard and Josette Dupres. Also delving into how he recognizes the difficulties of Collinwood in general._

* * *

Why Wadsworth Understands

* * *

One evening as my lovely bride was ascending the stairs, having kissed me goodnight, I was about to rest into my usual armchair before the fire and take a look into one of the many books I'd been aggrieved to miss over the centuries. I picked it up then put it down again as my ever faithful butler stepped into the room.

"Sir," he began, "I'm afraid the blood-pie experiment did not turn out so well."

I had to grin with some relief, "Ah, well. It was only a curiousity. Hardly my favourite dish in a bygone youth, my good man. What happened?"

"Mr. Loomis and I were reflecting on things and... well... got a little distracted. It is... rather _burnt_."

I tried to give a look toward him of his having been rather naughty, but he could see right through me, as he always does. He smiled back.

"It's good to know you and Willie get along so well."

"We've had a rather interesting acquaintance previously."

"I know," I told him, "and I was wondering a great deal about you as of late. If it wasn't for you, along with all of these strange events, I may never know the happiness I've so longed for. How is that you've come to understand us all so very well?"

His attentive stance relaxed and he placed his hands in his pockets , "The family history isn't as privatized as you all may like to speculate, Sir. I could read between the lines, and the gossip does flow rather easily here. It seemed to me you'd all been overwhelming yourselves with internal struggles. These would produce foul actions and more nightmarish displays of both vanity and revenge."

The silence at this point was so deafening that I almost didn't hear the crackling flames inside the hearth. He had hit the nail on the head again.

"Agreed," I finally said to him, "and how did you know how to accomplish what you've done?"

"I hardly did it alone, Sir. As I've explained to Mr. Loomis, can anything be accomplished by a single individual all alone?"

"No," I answered, "though there are many who have expected me to do such grand tasks."

"As our archivists know, Sir. Was that all?"

"No, Wadsworth," I answered, "I remember you mentioning an incident that happened to you many years before you came here. You'd fallen into some trouble of your own."

"Yes," he said, "I think you mean the incident in which I was blackmailed even earlier than before my... employment... at Hill House, so to speak."

"Yes. Did it not involve a previous lover?"

"No, Sir," he began carefully, "it involved a liaison I had in which I'd woken up from a heavy night of drink. Not usually my forte, but there was a rather great deal of social pressure to do so and a large number of people I was associating with at the time. I was given the impression that nothing untoward had occurred when I came to in another lady's bedroom the following morning. It was a large house and a large party. Anything may have happened that I wouldn't have been totally aware of the next day."

"And then you went home?" I asked.

"Yes. My wife had been on a visit and we shared our stories upon her return home. Quite a lovely time we had, she and I... Anyway, about ten months later I received an unfortunate letter. It was from the woman whose bed I'd lain in and had given me the impression I'd slept there alone."

"You hadn't, I gather."

"Not that she was telling me in this letter, Sir. No," he explained. "I began going into quite a lot of debt when I was sent the paperwork of my supposed son's birth. I wanted to do the honourable thing but..." he sighed, "I was against telling my wife until I could find some way to support my own dastardly behaviour, of which, try as I might, I had no memory of."

"That is excessively troubling," I sympathized, "and divorce being such a new concept to me I have a hard time imagining it. I would gather that you felt you ought to divorce your wife and marry this woman whose child you'd fathered."

Wadsworth took a deep breath and leaned against the doorframe, staring up, "As you remember the tale, I did make that attempt to offer such allegiance. Is it any wonder she wouldn't have me considering what happened?"

"I can't imagine. I confess to know little of these times I have missed sleeping so long in my ...en_chained_... state of existence."

"Of course, Sir," he reflected, rolling his head from the doorframe and looking in my direction, "It all rather changed quicker and quicker as time went on and still does. As you know, I wasn't going to wonder who this wee lad was and she refused to accept me for a visit. So I took the paper work and went to the hospital to perhaps find more details of my son's whereabouts. I arrived and was seen to fairly quickly considering how busy a hospital can get."

He looked down to the floor, and taking his hands out of his pockets folded his arms before carrying forward, his eyes becoming slightly glassy as though a mist was about to cloud.

"What did they tell you?" I asked.

He looked up with a sad resolution, "The paperwork had been forged. They had no record of such a birth and there were signatures on the document of his birth that were unknown names to them, as well as one that was familiar but obviously was not the doctor's handwriting," with this he paused to give a slight laugh, "it was too legible."

I hummed in commiseration over this sad joke in light of sour circumstances, "Did you ever discover why she had wanted the money from you?"

He did laugh a bit at this, "Oh, ha, the usual women's vanity. Clothing, furs, expensive jewellery. Material possessions that seem to give people the kind of comfort they can't take for granted when there are higher sources of joy in life, of course."

"I doubt I need to be told what those are," I expressed to my steadfast butler. Friendship, connection, the beauty of structure in both nature and by human design was what he meant. **Those things many take for granted, while others do not have them. **

"And so," he said, "when it comes to the incident with the young mistress Bouchard, I knew where you were coming from in some small regard. I was very grateful I could finally unburden myself to my wife about what had been happening. She knew me too well not to suspect something was bothering me, but I told her it was only a bad memory. When she heard the news she was very grateful that it had all been a petulant lie. And so was I."

"Still," I told him, "in comparison you hadn't been in that affair. Your conscience is much clearer than mine. I was guilty of my own passion as concerns Angelique Bouchard."

"Yes," said my good servant, "but for months... I believed I _had_ been as guilty and dishonourable. For months... to me... it was true."

I nodded in this sympathy we were now sharing, "I see. I suppose this sorry woman didn't return in any way what she'd taken from you?"

He scoffed, "Ah! I didn't care at that point. I was happy to be rid of the whole problem and never hear from her again, nor meet her in polite society. Although we can all wonder how polite that society truly is."

"So you knew of how I felt," I said, stepping closer to him, "but of Josette? How did you know how I felt about her?"

He finally smiled, "Ah, Sir... Hadn't I told you? Mr. Loomis knows the answer to this one. When we were being blackmailed into working for our employer for free? She ended her life. She was put into a position she couldn't handle anymore. Like many of your family, and like the bride you hold so dear. I understand loss, Sir. And I understand loneliness. And many of the ones around you, who adore you while also tormenting you into dire situations, do **not** understand these things."

"Well," I said, "perhaps in their own way they do understand. I have so much of what I was so desperate for. If I didn't have my family or friends such as yourself and Mr. Loomis, along with the woman I love and adore above all others; I think it would have been best if _I had_ jumped off of the cliff. Suicide is not a rare thought to some of us."

"No, Sir. It is not."

I heaved a sigh, "Still, it is nice to see such wonders I was beginning to lose hope for. Especially with Carolyn's new business, along with that of her friend. I know writing and description can be a very difficult endeavour."

Wadsworth straitened himself and stepped back toward the door he'd come out of, "Well that is the nice thing about the madam from Schooner Bay. She has her sales to keep her going and she also has words of comfort from her readers, which I think helps her more."

"Yes," I said, "I believe when it comes to storytelling, knowing the approval of your audience and how they enjoy one's work is perhaps the largest reason to the creator of it. Without that, why go on?"

A knowing smile came to his face.

"Very good, Sir," said Wadsworth. Then he bowed and stepped out.


End file.
